Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
