Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize