Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
