he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
