Only a mothe r could love this liver
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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