so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want nice things and good sex
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
