So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
