The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
