Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
