Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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