can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
