i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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