It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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