Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
