So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
