I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
