...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
