I need help removing her.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
