i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
