my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do herpes really smell.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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