i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
