I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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