I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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