I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
