my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
