Porn is love you can see.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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