I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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