And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
