Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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