3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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