Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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