that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
