so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My bed smells like the plague
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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