Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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