If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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