I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
