the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
