Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I know her cup size but not her name....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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