there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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