That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The power of my boobs compel you
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
