Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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