The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
