So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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