can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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