whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Randomize
