I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
