Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
