when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
