is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
