maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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