Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
