New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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