where am i from again
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm getting married
To pizza
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
