i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
