'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
