you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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