Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
