i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
