is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
