dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
