a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
