Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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