My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
