we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
