yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
