You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
