You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is Oprah even human
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
