I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
