Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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