Who wears a wallet chain?!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize