I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
