I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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